Express Yourself: Don't Let Anxiety Defeat You

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Dealing with anxiety is like dealing with a second relationship

It’s hard to keep up with them without one getting jealous and losing their mind ready to flip

I try my best to fulfill the needs of both

The random attacks pop up at my front door ready to bust out my window and defeat me

It’s hard to speak on it because no one understands the burden that continues to push me against the wall

I never understood this feeling until I discovered my first panic attack

My blood was rushing and my palms were sweating as I sat in a work meeting

Heart pounding as the same rhythm of someone running full speed on a treadmill

The pressure started to push down on my chest refusing me to breathe smoothly

It felt like I was being chocked and slammed as if I was in an abusive relationship

I´m smiling through the pain afraid to verbally express the pain

Fear of being judged fear of being misunderstood

No one understands how it feels

Running to my desk trying to function tumbling over my words as I try to send emails

Afraid I would let it defeat me and fail

Holding on to my tears struggling to breathe and talk as my brain started to slowly shut down

Last 10 mins on the clock and my heart was pounding faster and faster

I was ready to run out of the building

I burst out in tears as I walked to the train station

So many stares as if I just lost my relationships ready to escape on a vacation

I started to separate myself from everyone because I couldn’t function with large crowds

But when I’m alone I feel defeated

Trying to maintain the vibe of my relationship and getting angry when no one knows how to fix me

Learning to understand not everyone knows how to deal with this

Insecurities start to flow in because the worry and fear start to gang up on me

Asking god why me

Trying to walk the path of a content creator

Having the pressure to create content that will inspire others but I’m struggling internally to inspire myself

Setting goals to help me grow in the influencer space

But my creativity is shot down because when I feel like I’m up and running

I get reminded that I’m dealing with this internal negative relationship

Struggling with a moderate level of anxiety terrifies me because I can only imagine what others may be experiencing that’s prescribed medication

I’m fighting for peace

P.S This platform was created for me to not only inspire but to be vulnerable and share my story and experiences. You may feel like you’re going through the worst struggle in your life. You may think this is something you will never overcome but just know the experience will build a level of strength that will take you further than you thought. We will continue to fight our battles and we will be healed internally.