Beyond the Aesthetic: What Soft Life Looks Like When You’re Healing
The internet made me despise the phrase soft life. The way so many people use it as if it’s all luxury items, bubble baths, and a man coming to save them drives me insane. It’s misleading, and honestly, it’s become an excuse to hide from the real work that’s required during the so-called soft life era.
The phrase soft life first gained traction in Nigeria as part of a cultural shift among Black women who were tired of glorifying struggle. It was never about luxury for luxury’s sake it was about giving ourselves permission to breathe. To exist without constantly being in survival mode.
But somewhere along the way, that message got watered down. Now the #SoftLifeEra hashtag floods the internet with content that misrepresents its root. The soft life was never meant to be an escape from the hard parts it was meant to teach us how to move through them with grace. Choosing softness doesn’t mean avoiding accountability or numbing what hurts. It means facing those issues without letting them harden you or cause you to lose your authenticity just to fit a trend.
I thought about writing this because, honestly, I was a little triggered. I had to mute a content creator on Instagram who kept over-pushing the soft life narrative but in a way that felt contradictory. Her posts started to come off as if she was looking down on other Black women who were single, driving older cars, or not living in the kind of “luxury” she promoted.
Soft life, to me, is showing the real parts the struggles, the healing, the work and still finding a little peace in the chaos. It’s basically the opposite of what we see online for example when a life coach gets online preaching peace and alignment, but behind the scenes, their mental health is falling apart. The world has turned self-care into a product instead of a practice.
When people ask me what soft life looks like to me, I tell them it’s guided by whatever emotion I need to feel in that moment and finding some kind of peace within it.
Living a soft life became a priority for me when I found out my mom was diagnosed with bipolar disorder a few years ago, and later learned that I have aunts with schizophrenia. On top of my childhood trauma, that news shook me. It forced me to take my mental health seriously not just as a buzzword, but as a responsibility. Knowing that mental health can be hereditary made me realize I had to break certain patterns early.
For me, the soft life is mental first. If your mind isn’t right, nothing else is. I live a busy life, like many people do. Being a flight attendant is a lifestyle in itself, and I’m also chasing creative dreams and freelancing on the side. It gets overwhelming, and I’ve had to build small rituals that keep me grounded. I’ve learned to sit in my apartment and cry when I need to let my emotions run their course instead of avoiding them. I’ve learned to reflect, to have uncomfortable conversations, and to stop running from my own healing. Every day isn’t pretty for me and I’m okay with that.
That’s actually how my Mini Escape Diaries series on Instagram started: a way to navigate the busy/hard moments of my life while still moving forward. From processing my relationship with my dad to unpacking family trauma, to facing fears and moving away on my own I’m learning what it means to choose softness even in survival.
Whether it’s educating myself about skincare and facials or simply creating moments that make me feel safe in my body, I’m redefining what it means to live softly. For a girl who grew up in the hood, this kind of peace is something I had to teach myself and that’s the real work behind the soft life.